Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
