tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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