she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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