I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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