I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
