when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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