I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
