Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
