I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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