I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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