One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
