i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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