I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
