The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
