Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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