I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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