I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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