So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
