Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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