Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
