If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
