If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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