life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
