But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
