I can text with my tongue
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
