why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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