yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
