better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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