I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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