I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
