Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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