It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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