He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
