I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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