Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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