At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
