Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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