obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
