I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
