My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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