Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
