just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
