My Higher Power is John Stamos
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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