dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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