some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He felt like a one man threesome
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
