why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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