dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
