I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
