You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
