I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
