i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
